Holiday shopping
So, I got an email from Target today with suggestions for holiday gift giving. Now, let's forget for a moment that it's ridiculous to expect that I might be forward thinking enough to start my Christmas shopping before the end of November (or anytime, really, before mid-December). There have even been years in which I didn't start my Christmas shopping until December 23rd or 24th. But again, we'll ignore all that.
We'll even ignore the fact that the tagline is entirely un-interesting to me. ("The Gift Finder: One part personal shopper, one part dream come true.") After careful consideration, I've determined that none of my dreams coming true requires anything to do with a personal shopper.
Once we get past all of that, they do something right. They start simplifying things. They have things broken down into categories - Gifts for Her (rightfully listed first, since we guys might not make it too far down the list...), Gifts for Him, Gifts for Teen Girls, Gifts for Teen Boys, Gifts for Girls, Gifts for Boys. Now it's starting to look like this email might not actually be useful for the typical male shopper. You can even look by price (under $10, under $25, under $50...), depending on how much you love the... I mean, depending on how much you can spend.
Sadly, once you click on the "Gifts for Her," it all goes wrong. "A cashmere sweater," a guy might say, "would be a good gift for my lovely bride (girlfriend, special someone... whatever)." Unfortunately, the guy then has to choose a color - and there aren't any actual colors listed. Instead of colors they say things like, "Ebony, French Cream, Silver Birch, Trout Stream, Maple Syrup, Allspice, and Deep Chocolate."
So, here's my suggestion. Since during the holidays these types of things are going to be purchased by men, and since your average straight man couldn't tell you if his life depended on it what color is intended by "trout stream" or "maple syrup," my modest proposal is that stores be required to use things like "blue" or "beige" or "red" to describe the colors of women's clothes during the holidays. Only in extreme cases where those colors are just not adequate to describe the artiste's full range of expression should deviations be allowed, and only to the extent of "light blue" or "dark red." (If it is important for balance in the universe, feel free to use the rejected colors to describe men's clothes for the season. Women seem to understand them, and men really shouldn't be allowed to shop for themselves anyway...)
This is really better for everybody involved. If this suggestion is not implemented, women and men all over America will be disappointed this holiday season - although for different reasons. A woman will be disappointed because her husband "should have known" that she doesn't wear blue - while the man will be disappointed that his wife won't go fishing with him in her new trout stream cashmere sweater.
We'll even ignore the fact that the tagline is entirely un-interesting to me. ("The Gift Finder: One part personal shopper, one part dream come true.") After careful consideration, I've determined that none of my dreams coming true requires anything to do with a personal shopper.
Once we get past all of that, they do something right. They start simplifying things. They have things broken down into categories - Gifts for Her (rightfully listed first, since we guys might not make it too far down the list...), Gifts for Him, Gifts for Teen Girls, Gifts for Teen Boys, Gifts for Girls, Gifts for Boys. Now it's starting to look like this email might not actually be useful for the typical male shopper. You can even look by price (under $10, under $25, under $50...), depending on how much you love the... I mean, depending on how much you can spend.
Sadly, once you click on the "Gifts for Her," it all goes wrong. "A cashmere sweater," a guy might say, "would be a good gift for my lovely bride (girlfriend, special someone... whatever)." Unfortunately, the guy then has to choose a color - and there aren't any actual colors listed. Instead of colors they say things like, "Ebony, French Cream, Silver Birch, Trout Stream, Maple Syrup, Allspice, and Deep Chocolate."
So, here's my suggestion. Since during the holidays these types of things are going to be purchased by men, and since your average straight man couldn't tell you if his life depended on it what color is intended by "trout stream" or "maple syrup," my modest proposal is that stores be required to use things like "blue" or "beige" or "red" to describe the colors of women's clothes during the holidays. Only in extreme cases where those colors are just not adequate to describe the artiste's full range of expression should deviations be allowed, and only to the extent of "light blue" or "dark red." (If it is important for balance in the universe, feel free to use the rejected colors to describe men's clothes for the season. Women seem to understand them, and men really shouldn't be allowed to shop for themselves anyway...)
This is really better for everybody involved. If this suggestion is not implemented, women and men all over America will be disappointed this holiday season - although for different reasons. A woman will be disappointed because her husband "should have known" that she doesn't wear blue - while the man will be disappointed that his wife won't go fishing with him in her new trout stream cashmere sweater.
posted by Don at 9:33 AM
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