I'm such a geek

How much of a geek am I?

I'm enough of a geek that I find this serial comic funny, and understand all (or most of) the jokes. Geeky on almost too many levels to count...

This one I particularly enjoyed.


Ah, well. I am comfortable in my geekdom...

Product of the year? I don't think so...

Time magazine apparently has named it one "best gadgets of the year."

I think I'll start my own awards list. File this one under "possibly creepiest invention ever."

Some days

We're really not a big Halloween family. None of us are. We didn't even manage to get around to getting pumpkins to carve into jack-o-lanterns this year. (We decided on Monday that we probably should because the kids were concerned that people might think we were the neighborhood "Halloween Scrooges." By that time, though, there were no pumpkins available to be had.)

Costumes have also never been a real big thing for us, including for the kids. They definitely dress up, and definitely want to go out trick-or-treating - but it really hasn't been an "event" for them. So it was really no surprise to me when the kids were perfectly happy just wearing their costumes from last year (which happily still fit).

Now, my son went last year as Darth Vader (cue Imperial March music...). It's the full costume, with the helmet, face mask, chest electronics, black cape, and red lightsaber. The mask even has a voice changing feature in it so the child can say "trick or treat" in Darth Vader's voice - although it really kind of sounds like Darth Vader at age 12 or so. My son really wanted to go as Darth Vader this year, but he wanted to replace the lightsaber. He didn't want the red lightsaber. He wanted a purple or a green lightsaber. We talked about how Darth Vader always had a red lightsaber. My son knew that, which is why he wanted something different. He wanted to go as a good Darth Vader, which apparently required having a different colored lightsaber. (I think this all came from the fact that he has now seen all of the Star Wars movies. He liked that Darth Vader has the "salvation moment" at the end, but didn't like that he then died. He wanted to see Darth Vader continue as a "good guy" once he'd seen the error of his ways.)

I have been "mean dad" lately - or, more accurately, I have been willing to play the part a little bit. I've been on a financial belt-tightening kick, encouraging (i.e. requiring) the kids - and the parents - to reduce spending on things that aren't really needed so that they can get some idea of fiscal discipline. So, when my son said he wanted a different lightsaber, I said no. I explained that, although it was a neat idea, it really wasn't a need and his costume was perfectly functional without it. He explained his reasons for wanting it, and that he really wanted it. Still, I said no. He wasn't happy with the answer, but accepted it pretty gracefully, which I made me proud of him.

I went to the store yesterday morning to buy candy for the kiddies that would be stopping by later. While I was there I decided to go ahead and pick up a different lightsaber for my son. It was, after all, only about $6. We had already saved money by not having to buy a new costume this year. He had accepted the decision not to get the "upgrade" with great equanimity. All in all, I thought he probably deserved it - and I could afford $6 without breaking the bank.

When I got home, my son was starting to get worried. He couldn't find his (red) lightsaber anywhere, and was hoping I had some idea where it was. I didn't, of course, but I reached into my bag and pulled out the purple one with a grand, "Well, will this one do?" His eyes lit up. He grabbed it and extended the cheap purple plastic cylinders for the lightsaber, then ran over and put his arms around me for a BIG hug and very sincere "thank you!"

He's 9 years old now, and those spontaneous moments just don't come along very often anymore. It brought tears to my eyes, and to my wife's eyes. I've never had $6 that was any more well spent.

Some days are just worth it, and you wish you could capture them and replay them over and over and over again whenever you want.

Holiday shopping

So, I got an email from Target today with suggestions for holiday gift giving. Now, let's forget for a moment that it's ridiculous to expect that I might be forward thinking enough to start my Christmas shopping before the end of November (or anytime, really, before mid-December). There have even been years in which I didn't start my Christmas shopping until December 23rd or 24th. But again, we'll ignore all that.

We'll even ignore the fact that the tagline is entirely un-interesting to me. ("The Gift Finder: One part personal shopper, one part dream come true.") After careful consideration, I've determined that none of my dreams coming true requires anything to do with a personal shopper.

Once we get past all of that, they do something right. They start simplifying things. They have things broken down into categories - Gifts for Her (rightfully listed first, since we guys might not make it too far down the list...), Gifts for Him, Gifts for Teen Girls, Gifts for Teen Boys, Gifts for Girls, Gifts for Boys. Now it's starting to look like this email might not actually be useful for the typical male shopper. You can even look by price (under $10, under $25, under $50...), depending on how much you love the... I mean, depending on how much you can spend.

Sadly, once you click on the "Gifts for Her," it all goes wrong. "A cashmere sweater," a guy might say, "would be a good gift for my lovely bride (girlfriend, special someone... whatever)." Unfortunately, the guy then has to choose a color - and there aren't any actual colors listed. Instead of colors they say things like, "Ebony, French Cream, Silver Birch, Trout Stream, Maple Syrup, Allspice, and Deep Chocolate."

So, here's my suggestion. Since during the holidays these types of things are going to be purchased by men, and since your average straight man couldn't tell you if his life depended on it what color is intended by "trout stream" or "maple syrup," my modest proposal is that stores be required to use things like "blue" or "beige" or "red" to describe the colors of women's clothes during the holidays. Only in extreme cases where those colors are just not adequate to describe the artiste's full range of expression should deviations be allowed, and only to the extent of "light blue" or "dark red." (If it is important for balance in the universe, feel free to use the rejected colors to describe men's clothes for the season. Women seem to understand them, and men really shouldn't be allowed to shop for themselves anyway...)

This is really better for everybody involved. If this suggestion is not implemented, women and men all over America will be disappointed this holiday season - although for different reasons. A woman will be disappointed because her husband "should have known" that she doesn't wear blue - while the man will be disappointed that his wife won't go fishing with him in her new trout stream cashmere sweater.

Things I've learned this week

When I was a teacher I used to tell kids that any day that you learn something new is a successful day. (Yeah, it's cheesy... so sue me.) Based upon that standard, I have a very successful couple of hours this week. Here is what I learned:

1. When you are using a gas trimmer in the yard, the line just goes right through fire ant hills, hardly slowing down at all.
   
2. When said line toes through said anthills, it flings fire ants everywhere.
3. Fire ants that have been so flung are stunned. They'll just lay unmoving where they land for a while. (This surprised me somewhat. I wouldn't have thought fire ants had big enough brains to be stunned. I would have thought they'd be limited to "dead" or "not dead.")
4. Fire ants that have been thusly flung and stunned do recover their senses (insomuch as fire ants have senses, anyway) in relatively short order.
5. When these fire ants recover their senses (about 30 seconds later, perhaps?), they are very angry.
6. This point is related to point 2 above - one of the places that these fire ants (who, as we've already established, have been flung, stunned, and incensed) will alight after flying through the air is on the unprotected legs of the trimmer operator foolish enough to wear shorts while working with a gas trimmer in the vicinity of fire ants.
7. Sneakers worn by the trimmer operator, and now swarmed with enraged fire ants, will fly, on average, about 15 feet when thrown after the ants make their presence known.
8. Socks worn under the sneakers will only fly about half the distance the sneakers did. It is unclear how much of this decrease in distance is caused by increased wind resistance for socks, and how much is caused by reduced urgency on the part of the wearer because most of the ants have now been removed.

*sigh*

Really bad days...

Now, I've had bad days before. I've had days where nothing seemed to go right, and everything that could go wrong seemed like it did.

But I've NEVER had THIS bad a day...

Oh Glorious Day...

O happy Day! O, wondrous day!

O Glorious, magnificent, fantabulous day!